While there are thousands of books written about how to find a man, few of them tell women what to do when they get one, so what do we do? Whatever we think we should. Taking guidance from television, other couples around us who look happy, and rarely, our parents, women can do some unusual things; things that remind us of what wives would do. And isn’t that what men want? Don’t they want us to buy their clothes, clean their apartments, and cleave to them? The answer is no.
If you are not married, it’s because you haven’t been asked, so why take it upon yourself to act like he’s asked, you said 'Yes,' there was a wedding, and now you're his wife? You may be wondering what your life should look like once you’re in a relationship. The answer: a whole lot like it looked before you were in a relationship. If you wanted to be a doctor, you should still focus on that. If girls night out is Thursday night, guess where you should be on Thursday night? With the girls!
Not only do we become too flexible, moving our schedules around at the last minute, we attempt to take care of our boyfriends like we gave birth to them (think dressing them, decorating their apartments, telling them what to do). In the beginning, they may enjoy some of these things, especially if one of the wifely duties you’re performing is that main physical one, but then, he’ll start to feel smothered, leave you, and you’ll feel like you’ve been divorced.
Dating the right person, the right way, can truly enhance not only your social life, but your intellectual and spiritual life. Things should be breezy, and not full of duties. We’ll have the rest of our lives to be married; while we’re single, why can’t we focus on picking out our own clothes (hello shopping!), decorating our own rooms or apartments (this is your bachelorette’s pad), and cleaving to the Lord? This boyfriend of yours will enjoy dating someone who won’t smother him; he should appreciate having time to hang with his boys, spend time alone, and be with God too.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The Bachelorette is Back!
The Bachelorette’s Blog took a break over the summer with the Student Movement, and while on so-called vacation, my status changed from Single to In a relationship. Since I write the Bachelorette’s Blog, some people were curious, and asked me, ‘So, what will you do with the Blog.’ Of course, I planned to continue it, but this got me to wondering; are there bachelorettes out there who don’t realize that they’re bachelorettes? Since this is the inaugural issue of the paper, let’s start with some basics about bachelorettes. Pronunciation: bach-lə-ˈret, Definition: an unmarried woman. So, yes, ladies and gents, I’m still a bachelorette.
It’s good to be back, and talking about most women’s favorite subjects: men and how to date them. Christian women are put in a weird position; we are bombarded with images and messages that urge us to behave one way, yet the Bible’s still, small, voice advises us to do something totally different. Early in my Christian walk, my friends and I were left wondering how a twenty-something Christian woman is supposed to act. Through prayer, and unfortunately trial and error, I’ve found a few answers.
Last semester, the Bachelorette’s Blog tackled some juicy subjects like cyber stalking (reading up, googling and snooping to get info on men), how being single is supposed to be a seasonal position, but that we do things to prolong it, and I shared personal tools that helped me get through Singles Awareness Day, also known as Valentine’s Day. You can check out last semester’s blogs at http://bachelorettesblog.blogspot.com/
This semester, look out for Are You Thirsty, which is not about dehydration, but rather, the ridiculous things we do to get men to notice us, Why Wolves Run in Packs, a column about the perks of group dating, Never Been Kissed, which will deal with a popular anxiety: women who have never had a boyfriend, and think that they are aliens because of this fact. Next week, we’ll discuss girlfriend who acts like a wives.
If you are enlightened or outraged by anything that you read in this column, feel free to email me at etteblog@gmail.com or post a comment on the Bachelorette’s Blog facebook page http://www.facebook.com/BachelorettesBlog?ref=profile. Let start a dialog!
It’s good to be back, and talking about most women’s favorite subjects: men and how to date them. Christian women are put in a weird position; we are bombarded with images and messages that urge us to behave one way, yet the Bible’s still, small, voice advises us to do something totally different. Early in my Christian walk, my friends and I were left wondering how a twenty-something Christian woman is supposed to act. Through prayer, and unfortunately trial and error, I’ve found a few answers.
Last semester, the Bachelorette’s Blog tackled some juicy subjects like cyber stalking (reading up, googling and snooping to get info on men), how being single is supposed to be a seasonal position, but that we do things to prolong it, and I shared personal tools that helped me get through Singles Awareness Day, also known as Valentine’s Day. You can check out last semester’s blogs at http://bachelorettesblog.blogspot.com/
This semester, look out for Are You Thirsty, which is not about dehydration, but rather, the ridiculous things we do to get men to notice us, Why Wolves Run in Packs, a column about the perks of group dating, Never Been Kissed, which will deal with a popular anxiety: women who have never had a boyfriend, and think that they are aliens because of this fact. Next week, we’ll discuss girlfriend who acts like a wives.
If you are enlightened or outraged by anything that you read in this column, feel free to email me at etteblog@gmail.com or post a comment on the Bachelorette’s Blog facebook page http://www.facebook.com/BachelorettesBlog?ref=profile. Let start a dialog!
A Shepherd's Life
Last week in one of my classes, a bunch of city folks bombarded the professor with questions about the life of a shepherd. Apparently, shepherds spend weeks at a time away from their family and friends, trading them all in for nature, and a herd of sheep. This got me to wondering what I would think about if I were a shepherd. If instead of ripping and running around, not only forgetting to smell the roses, but trampling over them, I walked slowly, thought about things, and appreciated nature.
Would I think about things that have nothing to do with other people? Would I be able to hear the Holy Spirit? Would I be able to rest my mind for once? Most of us have no idea who we are as individuals, because of the family and friends that we cleave to. Our goals, and even personalities, melt into other people's goals and personalities.
What if we spent time alone and actually thought about things? Some people go to Still Waters, and others carve out time in the morning, or an afternoon in a special place. When do you ever break away from the crowd, and spend time with yourself? If you don't spend time getting to know you, how will you figure out who you are? What happens when you start dating, and you don't have a clear sense of yourself? In the Runaway Bride, Julia Robert's character changes her mind about how she likes her eggs; Her egg style changed based on how her fiancé liked his eggs. We hear her say poached, and even eggs benedict are her favorite, until she discovers that she doesn't even like eggs! If you don't figure out who you are, you'll run the risk of changing a lot more than your eggs.
While I'm sure shepherds don't walk around for weeks just to think (they do have work to do), I bet they are the most spiritually centered people on this planet. Maybe that's why God called them to lead the herd…
Would I think about things that have nothing to do with other people? Would I be able to hear the Holy Spirit? Would I be able to rest my mind for once? Most of us have no idea who we are as individuals, because of the family and friends that we cleave to. Our goals, and even personalities, melt into other people's goals and personalities.
What if we spent time alone and actually thought about things? Some people go to Still Waters, and others carve out time in the morning, or an afternoon in a special place. When do you ever break away from the crowd, and spend time with yourself? If you don't spend time getting to know you, how will you figure out who you are? What happens when you start dating, and you don't have a clear sense of yourself? In the Runaway Bride, Julia Robert's character changes her mind about how she likes her eggs; Her egg style changed based on how her fiancé liked his eggs. We hear her say poached, and even eggs benedict are her favorite, until she discovers that she doesn't even like eggs! If you don't figure out who you are, you'll run the risk of changing a lot more than your eggs.
While I'm sure shepherds don't walk around for weeks just to think (they do have work to do), I bet they are the most spiritually centered people on this planet. Maybe that's why God called them to lead the herd…
The Banana Peel
Who would grab a piece of fruit, say a banana, and peel it, toss the fruit behind them, and skip off into the sunset with the banana peel? I know, it sounds pretty crazy, but women do it all the time. Maybe you've done it before. Not literally, but when we lust after a guy, and only think about the "fun" we can have with him, what we're really saying is we don't want his fruit. We don't care that he has goals, that God has a plan for his life, that he's someone's son. What we really want is something very superficial, and something that doesn't even belong to us.
It starts with the guys on tv; we think that our celebrity obsessions are innocent because they're not real people. At an early age we learn how to reduce guys to the lowest fraction: cute smiles shoulders, arms, and calves. When we grow up, we see real life guys who are attractive, and we don't care what they want; we only care about what wewant, which is sometimes not the fruit, but just the peel.
Maybe we don't want the fruit because we don't think that we can have it. Are some of us reaching for what we think we can get? Do we only consider ourselves worthy of physical affection, and not deeper spiritual, emotional, fruitful unions because we're afraid that we're not good enough, and that we won't get it? Are we convinced that men won't turn us down if we make them an offer they can't refuse? If we tell them that we are only asking for a piece of them that won't take real commitment they can't say no? We have to stop being ridiculous, and respect ourselves and ALL men, not just our father and pastor. God created those awesome smiles and beautiful bodies, so we need to respect His works of art.
It starts with the guys on tv; we think that our celebrity obsessions are innocent because they're not real people. At an early age we learn how to reduce guys to the lowest fraction: cute smiles shoulders, arms, and calves. When we grow up, we see real life guys who are attractive, and we don't care what they want; we only care about what wewant, which is sometimes not the fruit, but just the peel.
Maybe we don't want the fruit because we don't think that we can have it. Are some of us reaching for what we think we can get? Do we only consider ourselves worthy of physical affection, and not deeper spiritual, emotional, fruitful unions because we're afraid that we're not good enough, and that we won't get it? Are we convinced that men won't turn us down if we make them an offer they can't refuse? If we tell them that we are only asking for a piece of them that won't take real commitment they can't say no? We have to stop being ridiculous, and respect ourselves and ALL men, not just our father and pastor. God created those awesome smiles and beautiful bodies, so we need to respect His works of art.
How to Handle Single's Awareness Day
Yes, it's approaching; taking baby steps, but getting closer nonetheless. Single's Awareness day is three days away. Some of you are already ringing depression's doorbell, or scrambling to find someone, dropping hints, smiling harder at the guy you've been checking out. Turn off the flirt-o-meter, and rise up from that slump. This year, how about having some fun? The first thing you need to realize is that you're not alone. Contrary to popular belief, you're not the only one without a date, and you're not the only one freaking out about not having a date. Here are my top ten things to do if you're single on Valentine's Day (this is my personal list, and it works!).
10. Start your day out with prayer. Ask God to guide you today. Ask Him to help you to remember that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
9. Don't watch romantic comedies. In fact, stay away from the tv. These movies, though marketed as comedies, can be tragedies to someone who doesn't have a man chasing after them with flowers. Leave those alone; they are for singles who enjoy pain.
8. Look your best. You'll notice that when you put on your favorite color or new outfit, you know that you look good, so you feel good. This is a great day to wear something fun and fabulous!
7. Get out of the house! Plan something, and go. This Saturday night get in a car (yours or someone else's) and check out a neighboring city like South Bend or Chicago. Make it a special evening with a big group.
6. Buy yourself a few of your favorite things. Tonight, forget your diet. Forget the fact that you wanted him to buy your flowers. Go out , and get it for yourself. Smell the roses, eat the chocolate, and enjoy!
5. Don't talk about men. Okay, don't go out with a bunch of singles, and whine about how you wished you had someone special. Don't speculate about what he's doing with some other girl. Don't . Don't . Don't. It's not about men tonight. It's ALL about you.
4. When you see couples all hugged up, don't roll your eyes, sigh heavily, or think that everyone thinks you're pathetic. That would make you pathetic and a hater.
3. Realize it's just another day. You know how you feel the day after Christmas, when all the focus turns to shopping? Or back to family, life, and tv? Well, Sunday, February 15th you'll start thinking about school projects, and regular life. So just get through this. Graduate students: if the GSA Valentine's Banquet is giving you the blues, grab a bunch of folks and go together!
2. Do this list with a group of singles: positive, upbeat, singles.
1. End your day with prayer. Thank God for such an awesome day of fellowship, and thank Him for helping you make it through another day.
10. Start your day out with prayer. Ask God to guide you today. Ask Him to help you to remember that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
9. Don't watch romantic comedies. In fact, stay away from the tv. These movies, though marketed as comedies, can be tragedies to someone who doesn't have a man chasing after them with flowers. Leave those alone; they are for singles who enjoy pain.
8. Look your best. You'll notice that when you put on your favorite color or new outfit, you know that you look good, so you feel good. This is a great day to wear something fun and fabulous!
7. Get out of the house! Plan something, and go. This Saturday night get in a car (yours or someone else's) and check out a neighboring city like South Bend or Chicago. Make it a special evening with a big group.
6. Buy yourself a few of your favorite things. Tonight, forget your diet. Forget the fact that you wanted him to buy your flowers. Go out , and get it for yourself. Smell the roses, eat the chocolate, and enjoy!
5. Don't talk about men. Okay, don't go out with a bunch of singles, and whine about how you wished you had someone special. Don't speculate about what he's doing with some other girl. Don't . Don't . Don't. It's not about men tonight. It's ALL about you.
4. When you see couples all hugged up, don't roll your eyes, sigh heavily, or think that everyone thinks you're pathetic. That would make you pathetic and a hater.
3. Realize it's just another day. You know how you feel the day after Christmas, when all the focus turns to shopping? Or back to family, life, and tv? Well, Sunday, February 15th you'll start thinking about school projects, and regular life. So just get through this. Graduate students: if the GSA Valentine's Banquet is giving you the blues, grab a bunch of folks and go together!
2. Do this list with a group of singles: positive, upbeat, singles.
1. End your day with prayer. Thank God for such an awesome day of fellowship, and thank Him for helping you make it through another day.
Single and Cyber-Stalking
These things always start out okay; you meet some guy someplace on campus, and you actually talk, but superficially. Then, later that day, or that night, when you're alone in front of your computer, or congregated with your girls, you Google him, and scout information about him on facebook (the people Wikipedia). If going through his pictures won't give you enough info, or reading his wall, you begin to ask around. The Adventist network is the size of a desert portion at a high class restaurant, so you can quickly find out details about him by talking to people who went to his academy or university. If this doesn't sound like stalking to you, then you're probably guilty.
Are you a horrible person? No. Are you being sneaky, and a little creepy? I'll take 'yes' for 500. When did we get so lazy? What if you found out someone you were just casually talking to about caf food knew what your sister looked like, could rattle off people that you're friends with, and knew about that horrible thing that you did, or said five years ago, because they've been talking to that one girl who never liked you? A little hair-raising, huh? I'd prefer a guy to ask me things instead of creeping around behind my back. Why can't we extend the same courtesy? True, they put personal information on facebook, but if you simply asked him things you wanted to know, he might actually know that you exist. I realize this is hard for some of us. You may be shy, or proud, or really bad at conversation, but I guarantee you facebook won't help you with your lack of communication skills.
Sure, you can throw a cake at him, or send him a friend request, but don't you want to be in relationship with him? I don't mean in a relationship with someone, I mean in relationship: having an actual friendship that can be a blessing to both parties involved. Actually, checking someone out online, or by asking around, is a great way to get a one-sided view of someone. Is that really your goal? Facebook has its perks; it's really great for keeping in touch with people who live far away, or just chatting it up with people you know. I doubt the creators of facebook set out to assist you with snoopong.
Are you a horrible person? No. Are you being sneaky, and a little creepy? I'll take 'yes' for 500. When did we get so lazy? What if you found out someone you were just casually talking to about caf food knew what your sister looked like, could rattle off people that you're friends with, and knew about that horrible thing that you did, or said five years ago, because they've been talking to that one girl who never liked you? A little hair-raising, huh? I'd prefer a guy to ask me things instead of creeping around behind my back. Why can't we extend the same courtesy? True, they put personal information on facebook, but if you simply asked him things you wanted to know, he might actually know that you exist. I realize this is hard for some of us. You may be shy, or proud, or really bad at conversation, but I guarantee you facebook won't help you with your lack of communication skills.
Sure, you can throw a cake at him, or send him a friend request, but don't you want to be in relationship with him? I don't mean in a relationship with someone, I mean in relationship: having an actual friendship that can be a blessing to both parties involved. Actually, checking someone out online, or by asking around, is a great way to get a one-sided view of someone. Is that really your goal? Facebook has its perks; it's really great for keeping in touch with people who live far away, or just chatting it up with people you know. I doubt the creators of facebook set out to assist you with snoopong.
Why We Shovel Snow
When it snows, small crystals pile up, and soon, no one quite remembers what’s underneath all the white stuff until one day, it warms up and rains and things start to melt. Then, those leaves that you didn’t rake are visible, and now they look even worse than they did before the snow smothered them; emotional baggage is a lot like those soggy leaves.
So why do we shovel snow? Well, it’s easier to walk and get out of the driveway when we don’t have to lethargically march through feet of snow. We can get to where we need to go quicker, and we won’t get stuck, spinning wheels that aren’t moving the car. Will you delay the progress of your next relationship because you haven’t raked the leaves nor shoveled the snow? Are there layers of issues that will eventually wreck your relationship?
Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t supposed to come along riding on a white horse, and fix us. Instead, you should get on your knees and talk to the true savior. You can even fast and ask God to show you what you could improve. Also, counselors are trained to dig up old stuff that you haven’t thought about for years, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see one. If you get to the dirt now, it won’t be exposed at some inconvenient time. When you’re a bachelorette, and there isn’t so much emotional stimuli, you can use this time to clean up. Spring is coming, and your snow will inevitably melt…
So why do we shovel snow? Well, it’s easier to walk and get out of the driveway when we don’t have to lethargically march through feet of snow. We can get to where we need to go quicker, and we won’t get stuck, spinning wheels that aren’t moving the car. Will you delay the progress of your next relationship because you haven’t raked the leaves nor shoveled the snow? Are there layers of issues that will eventually wreck your relationship?
Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t supposed to come along riding on a white horse, and fix us. Instead, you should get on your knees and talk to the true savior. You can even fast and ask God to show you what you could improve. Also, counselors are trained to dig up old stuff that you haven’t thought about for years, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see one. If you get to the dirt now, it won’t be exposed at some inconvenient time. When you’re a bachelorette, and there isn’t so much emotional stimuli, you can use this time to clean up. Spring is coming, and your snow will inevitably melt…
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